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Posts Tagged ‘life’

Photo Credit: Mod as hell @Flickr

Photo Credit: Mod as hell @Flickr

While looking up research on dating and the unemployed, I ran across this article.

Might not be safe for work – take heed.

I began to wonder how sex and romance are affected for an unemployed woman when she’s in a relationship. And… when she’s not.

I’ve been unemployed and in love (sometimes, even at the same time). Usually, however, it seems that my love life is tanking at the exact same moment when my career is heading somewhere. Then, the polar opposite crops up as my professional life is heading towards a quasi-black hole – I find Mr. Right (For Now).  

In other instances, people have used their personal relationships as reasons behind bad job performance…most likely because they are looking for an external reason to hate a crappy job in the first place.

In truth, my love life has (in)directly caused a crappy job performance.  I know all that stuff advocating the separation of work and personal dramas, but that’s a real dream. It’s like trying to separate yourself from your own skin. Theoretically, you can ignore it and pretend it’s not there, not take care of it and tell everyone the pimples they see are actually stress bumps.

But eventually, you’ll have to do something about it if you aren’t interested in looking like a pimple-infested, pus oozing weirdo.

It’s the maintenance that keeps the breakouts from coming.  Relationships (and sex) are the same. You can pretend it’s not there because they are relatively easy to start yet, it’s the maintenance (or lack thereof) that can be the true killer.

OK – back to sex and the (sometimes single) unemployed woman.  This has been on my mind because there is lots of talk about dating on a budget, dating in a recession, dating when you are unemployed – blah blah blah.

But, in a meandering way – these articles aren’t getting to the nitty gritty of what I want to know.  Are women just as likely to sleep with a man when he is unemployed versus when he isn’t? Would men date a woman who is unemployed?  Are unemployed women equally stressed in their sex lives like men?

Women are connected to work differently than men – they are connected to sex differently than men. So, when they are canned and there’s no sweetie to warm the covers with – how likely (and how fast) are they going to become disconnected from sex before they become disconnected from their career motivations?

And stop – I don’t want to hear any crap about how people should “only look at the personality” or shouldn’t judge others on such “superficial” things. Wanting to date someone who has a job (and legal means of income) is not superficial.

Men are just as likely as women to judge your dating “merit” on your ability to get a job or hold one.

So, when there is no job – is there still just as much sex for a woman?

Penelope Trunk touched upon this when she blogged that more sex will be a coming trend in the recession. And, as condom sales go up – that must mean men (and women) are smacking more tail than they could when 8 hours of their day was devoted to working it for the man – no pun intended.

Or, maybe people are anticipating more sex because now they can spend part of their unemployment check (and job searching hours) at the bars? Or, opting to stay at home (assuming they are not at home alone)?

Besides the unavoidable see-sawing – one’s sex life is also in a constant roller coaster as well. Even when we’re in steady, great relationships – it doesn’t change the fact that your better half is not working.  Things have inevitably steered into a different course, particularly, if your partner is demanding more sex (or not demanding any).

What is the quality of a woman’s sex life when she is unemployed? Do women associate the same kinds of stress from being out of work like men (and have it manifest in their sex life)? Maybe it’s really about priorities. Women don’t prioritize (or categorize) sex the same way men do.

So, if the quality of their professional lives takes a hit – a woman’s sex life remains unaffected because women tend not to singularly indentify their personal worth with their jobs like men do.  

For someone like me – who will be gainfully unemployed for a year in a few weeks – there hasn’t been much change in my love life pre-unemployment. There have been moments when I began to wonder if something was wrong because I hadn’t found anything yet.

However, momentary crushing moments of self-doubt haven’t affected me to the point where I’ve morphed into something else entirely – like Paul Nawrocki.

I don’t know. Maybe I should get a job as a sexpert instead.

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Photo Credit: Miserteacher @Flickr

Photo Credit: Miserteacher @Flickr

There are lots and lots of lists profiling bloggers that would be cool to read or the best of 2009 or are considered the most underrated

Those lists utterly annoy me because time and time again, it’s like rating the best foods or the places to raise kids.

They can be totally irrelevant…to the reader, that is.  Not to mention, taken out of context.

And – stop – I know that they’re only suggestions. Or, voter’s choices. Or…whatever. I think in the blogosphere, it may not always be a good idea to have such rankings – because rankings are just opinions.

And, I think the blogosphere is too big  to separate – and rank – out a few from the million.

I much rather have someone tell me why they like something, why it would be relevant to me and – that’s it. None of this best, top, worst of the year crap.

Furthermore, these compilations lack purpose. And some bloggers forget to clarify whatever that purpose is in their lists. How is that?  For example, they tell me what the blog is about and why they read it. As a reader, I could care less about that – how do you think it will benefit me?

It sounds contradictory.

In fact, it is.

Yet, that’s the point. And, perhaps the blogs I list below have made lists elsewhere and I’m not saying anything differently about them. I’d like you to keep in mind that this list is made for people who want to gather bits of information from everywhere for everything.

I hope I add something a little bit new to that gathering.

I know I sound like a total hypocrite because I am writing a blog post on blogs that I read. Yet, I’m thinking if you follow my blog – you have the same kinds of interests (and peeves) that I do. You may like children’s literature, but you’re not only (and always) going to read stuff by Kate DiCamillo.

I like to peruse stuff that appeals to certain moods I’m in. And just like you, when I want to gain a certain perspective on the world or inflate a certain mood – I can’t just got to one place, I go to several:

My Human Rights Muses/NPO work/Social Change

Nicholas Kristoff/On the Ground

I think a lot of people are seriously out of tune with what goes on outside of the United States – well, in the world, period. And NO, you can’t get all your news from the Daily Show – even though I’ll be the first to try. Generally, there is a very weak grasp of the political machinations in our own country, therefore, understanding stuff beyond that can be overwhelming. We’re also at a disadvantage because we are distanced (or better yet, create the distance).

Nick writes about those various (dis)connections and bridges the gaps, specifically on human rights issues.

Allison Jones/Entry Level Living

I have not come across too many (good) blogs that detail the work of twenty somethings in the NPO world. Nor, I haven’t run across as many that are as insightfully opinionted and as well-informed as Ms. Jones. If you are a twenty something looking to understand social change (as a profession), please visit her blog.

It’s well worth the time.

Karyn/The Fabulous Giver

What can’t be more great than finding chic ways to do charity?  Karyn’s writing is sweetly engaging. The site fosters a lot of opportunities to learn new things about wonderful philanthropic social events and causes. If you are interested in seeing how advocacy turns into action, The Fab Giver should be one of your places to start.

Beth Kanter/Beth’s Blog

This is kind of the “grown up” version of a blog about NPO work and social media usage. Ms. Kanter is pretty straightforward and her advice is practical. I may not always know what she’s talking about – but her blog is like the individual contrast (perspective?) to K Street Cafe.

Career: Good, Bad & Funny

Marci Alboher/Hey Marci

I had just begun following Ms. Alboher’s blog, Shifting Careers, before she got booted from the NYT. Her blog focuses on the multiplicity of careers and jobs. You’ll enjoy it too if like to read about workplace trends and the redefinition of career life.

And, she’s a nice contrast from Ms. Trunk – I can only handle one career blog that details the sex life of the author.

FFN/Fired for Now

This is a fairly new blog. I hope it sticks around. FFN writes about the realities of getting canned from a rigidly honest and insightful view point. The definition of unemployment is changing and this blog seeks to challenge the assumptions of its “social meaning.”

In other words, this blog doesn’t make me feel so bad about getting fired – ever. I suggest this become a must-read for all people still griping about being canned, worried about getting a job or otherwise happy with their career (read: EVERYONE).

Lillit & Ashley/Save the Assistants

This blog appreciates admins from across the world. The Bossary should be the first stop for anyone visiting. Administrative work can be tough – and mind crushing (if you let it). This site can be your saving grace. If you feel you are wasting away your soul in a crappy administrative job, read this blog and become inspired.

Go ahead and be saved (no worshipping of another g-d required).

John Henion & Tania Khadder/Unemploymentality

Weird. Slightly offensive. Scathingly sarcastic. Those are the first three descriptions that come to mind about this site. And, it’s hilarious. It’s an extremely fun read – and the best thing?

You can actually laugh in the face  of joblessness (er…maybe).

Jodith Allen/Administrative Arts

Kind of cheating on this one because I already mention a blog that profiles admin work. Yet, I think this is a good blog to read for anyone no matter what stage of their career they’re in. Admin work is part of any job you do –  from being  the president of a company to the mail clerk. Paperwork is paperwork  – don’t fight it.

Ms. Allen’s blog talks about time management, technology and various facets of (admin) career development. You can try that or the Crabby Office Lady (bonus!).

Don’t Let the Bastards Get You Down – Inspiration Blogs!

Alexander Kjerulf/The Chief Happiness Officer

Being happy is important (especially at work) – ’nuff said.

Stephanie/Stephmodo

Besides having the same name as my little sister  – this blogger and I have another thing in common: an appreciation for all things beautiful and appetizingly sensual. Stephanie’s blog is absolutely gorgeous.

And, it’s not nearly as terrifying as GOOP.

Erinn/The Happy Living Design Blog

I’m a big fan of having peaceful spaces. I admit, I just go here to check out whatever photos might be up, but the writing is very interesting, as well. Go here to get ideas on (inexpensive) interior design for all types of abode living.

Not to mention, her blog’s layout has a “soothing” quality.

Cheryl Porro/ The Cupcake Blog

Ok, this blog has been “closed.”  But you can still view recipes, photos, etc. Furthermore, anything featuring a cupcake is bound to make you feel better.

No matter what.

Ev-Yan/Apricot Tea

Besides being ridiculously cute, Ev-Yan is a sensibly chic fashionista. If you like reading about fashion, Ev-Yan can be your muse. She also writes about married life, vegetarian and vegan eating habits and ripped shorts.

She posts photos quite a bit of the various outfits she wears, she pulls off the androgynous look quite well – better than most.

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Photo Credit: Envios @Flickr

Photo Credit: Envios @Flickr

With very little cash, I headed towards Washington, D.C. to gain a little more perspective on my (possible) future as a social justice maverick who uses artwork as an advocacy tool.

The Rayburn foyer, where our exhibit is being displayed, has hideous carpet. I wonder if all government buildings in D.C. have such crappy design.  

Tonight, we are taking 3 hours to set up the Congo/Women exhibit (lasting well into 12 am), despite 12 volunteers and an energetic 3 year old (L’s son).  

After we’re done, my colleague W and I leave and head to our hotel. I get an immediate gush of smallness. Everything feels so tiny now. I feel so tiny right now. I hope I don’t feel any smaller tomorrow, I fear I might disappear.

W and I have a meeting with an NGO the next morning to pitch a partnership with our Human Trafficking project.  During the meeting, they don’t ask many questions, but they want to snatch our marketing materials. I feel like the bad guy when I tell them they can’t keep them.

W is nicer than I am about that kind of stuff – she offers to send a digital copy.

W always thinks of the nicer stuff to say. I’m a little too forward and direct with people sometimes.

After handshakes and goodbyes, we cab over to the Rayburn. We have to hang around for several hours because our event doesn’t end until 7 pm that night (we arrive shortly after 12 pm). And, we have to break down the installation afterwards – but that shouldn’t take long.

Our guest speakers arrive and the program begins. After hearing Stephen Lewis, my gush of smallness evaporates.

Nothing is out of place.

What I’m doing makes sense.  

No ridiculousness or second guessing anything that is happening. I think that can be rare for people.  When you’ve been out of work for as long as I have, second guessing becomes par t of your daily language.

To clarify, there are a lot of things you can do while you have a job that don’t make sense. You may think they are unnecessary, a waste of time or even beneath you. Yet, when don’t have a job; there is very little excuse to do things that don’t make sense to you.

And, that’s the core of good, stimulating and worthwhile growth – the stuff that makes sense. Stick to the continuities that are logical for you before you become part of doing something (for a paycheck) that doesn’t make sense.

Instead of hammering at what you think works, do what makes sense to you no matter how out of whack it may initially seem (like going to D.C. with very little money to help set up a one-night exhibit in a government building).

This is not about being reckless. It’s about taking steps towards the most fulfilling risks and reaping their rewards.

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Photo Credit: Aaron Edwards @Flickr

Photo Credit: Aaron Edwards @Flickr

Revolutionize

Common opinion: the current job market sucks and employers have all the power.

Truth: employers are just as screwed as you are…kind of.

The world at large would like to wag their fingers and say employers are the almighty powerful ones because they are the ones with the jobs.

Nonetheless, how powerful can they really be when forced to slash jobs and lose labor, thus diluting their market share? The ambiguous, elusive big-badness of a down economy affects employers as well.

True business productivity is invested in how much is created – not how much is deleted.

Companies in a down turn need to seek new alternatives to connect with the unemployed besides creating boring Monster ads. There is a disconnect – a gap – between keeping the job seekers relevant to the market and the employers maintaining  business productivity. 

Just because the job is “gone” doesn’t always mean the work still doesn’t need to get done.

There are ways for the job seeker to keep their skills and ideas fresh while they look for permanent work. As a business, how are you taking advantage of that?

Shut up

Job descriptions say too much.

Or, they don’t say enough.

For the sake of argument, I’m going to opine that employers veer into the former much more often than the latter. Oh no! Employers wring  their hands and yammer with gusto “How else do I attact the right candidate?”

In reality, you probably are not attracting the right anything because your HR manager’s in-bin is flooded with qualified, unqualifed and crazy job candidates.

People are applying in droves to everything, everywhere. So, what exactly is the purpose of  master tailoring  your job descriptions to speak to certain candidates?

None. Zip. Nada. Goose eggs. 

It would be best to revamp how you want to recruit for the downturn instead of worrying so much about keywords and scanable resumes. 

Also, keep your promotion as a teaser. It’s fair to say that you’ll eventually interview someone for a job with your company. Tell me just enough. And, if you’re lucky (or, if I’m lucky) when you interview me, you can talk (ad nauseum) about how great your company is.

And, while you may be sure that a certain job would be great for the right candidate – don’t inundate (or alienate) me with overstuffed descriptions, pretentiousness or fresh vocab from Bill O’Reilly’s Spin Thesaurus.

Numbers

Perhaps this is a quirk that only HR folks like to use. Numbering a list of responsibilites in a job description makes it look boring and rigidly unimaginative. Why? See below:

  1. Wake up
  2. Brush teeth
  3. Shower
  4. Eat
  5. Blog
  6. Nap
  7. Job search
  8. Nap
  9. Eat
  10. Bed

Wow. All this to be done in one day? I can’t wait. In reality – it’s a lot more fun than it looks.

Don’t embarrass yourself

I recently saw a job description that called for the following (emphasis mine):

The candidate needs to work it and own the front desk.

They also have to be comfortable with hearing the other brokers yell (not necessarily at them).

Also, when the big guys in the office have clients (football players, star athletes, entertainers) the receptionist will need to step up.

Does this company want a receptionist or an In Living Color fly girl running the front desk? Scarily, I think they want the Fly Girl. 

I wonder how seriously such a company takes the jobs of its employees. In this case, they are trivializing the job in question when mandating that the receptionist “own” his/her desk. Trust me on this: owning a desk is not the company’s way of “hipster-izing” job duties or professional accountability.

Just because I’m a twenty something (soon to be thirty something), please don’t talk to me like an idiot.

Better yet, don’t talk like that. Period.

 

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Photo Credit: Regolare @Flickr

Photo Credit: Regolare @Flickr

Perhaps this post is ill-timed. Maybe, in a deep recession, I shouldn’t suggest that job hopping is (still) beneficial

Nonetheless, today, I’m interested in giving you something a little ridiculous to think about.

You can always top yourself – NOT

Besides the completely 1990’s phrasing used above – topping yourself  is not always the (greatest) end result.  

Outdoing what has already been done becomes a repeat exercise in …what?

If you are determined to best yourself over and over again as long as you can – it will ultimately become unfulfilling, not to mention, BORING.

Among other things, moving away from (or beyond?) your professional zenith requires spreading your scope of experience while maintaing focus

The tricky party is being fooled into believing a unique and forseeable set of risks are in your way.

In reality, you’re only re-hashing previous obstacles. Why accept the possibility of exhausted options when, instead, you can reinvent the same challenges over and over again?

Its a paradoxical complexity shading a simple truth: such challenges ask for very little. In fact, they may insist you become medicore (on the inside) bit by bit.  

Have principles. Learn to walk away

Dave Chappelle essentially gave Comedy Central the kiss of death when he refused to return to Chappelle’s Show. The common knowledge – opinion? – is that the comedian felt his style of comedy was becoming warped by the writers and producers.

Others contend that he was crazy and out of control.

This is not the first time people have travelled down a successful road, danced with greatness and then, moved on. Despite what the world may think about such actions, acting upon them empowers you beyond the usual shifts in career and job adventures.

Instead of becoming subdued by your own power and success, take it at “face value.” Respect it for what it is – and what it isn’t.

Respect for your work (and yourself) requires handling decisions on whether to exploit it and your talents for fame or fortune. Prepare to live with the consequences of accepting or rejecting either of those paths.

Once that is done – you can walk away- and have it be your choice.

Leave a Mystery

Knowing everything you could possibly know about something leaves little to wonder about. What happens?

You move on. The allure is lost because your interest depletes to zero. In an information saturated world, you aren’t necessarily growing just because the knowledge is there.

Leaving mysteries expands the the 3-dimensionality of your career. If you are interested in expanding your professional peak without becoming stale, engage in a mystery.

In short, fresh perspectives breathe new life into your own professional vision.

Being at your peak has little to do with how much you already know, but what little there is left to find out. 

How far are you stretching your current knowledge? What are you giving others to discover and what are you discovering from them?

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Photo Credit: Rebecca bexxi @Flickr

Photo Credit: Rebecca bexxi @Flickr

Create Contrast

The threat that erodes balance derives from avoiding contrast.

Life is about varying shades and mixes of worlds that collide and blend

The best way to revitalize your balance is to throw yourself into something completely beyond your scope of experience (or recognition). 

The contrast is the threshold that takes you beyond your comfort zone.

It’s as easy as doing something you’ve never done…ever.

Create Therapy

You need therapy. No – not retail therapy. Or, any kind of activity that’s going to leave you regretful, empty or broke.

Develop your creative balance by having spiritual and emotional outlets.

If that is actual therapy – go for it (or keep doing it!).

The purpose of any kind of (good) therapy is to implement a creative and emotional release, space and time for the mind as well as the body. 

The only challenge in creating therapy is keeping it consistent and relevant to your life.

Create Mood

Mood is a double edged sword. It forces you to assess your physical environment while figuring out what type of energies you gain from it.

Some are energized by chaos and mess. Others require solitude and quiet. 

The atmosphere you create in your head is physically manifested in your home, cubicle and where ever else you maintain a physical space. 

It doesn’t do any good to have a broom swept office when the desk drawers are brimming with clutter.

Keep your surroundings fresh, inspirational and pleasant. Delete bad vibes and create new ones.

Paying attention to the 5 senses keeps your spirits high. It ensures that your mood remains steady and even.

Redecorate, rearrange redo anything that might be impeding your balance.

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Photo Credit: Guille @Flickr

Photo Credit: Guille @Flickr

I keep my tax information in a sweater drawer. Everything that should be important in my life is in a legal size manila folder next to a 10 year old Express sweater.

Half of my bills, mortgage documents and medical invoices are in an accordion file folder at my “home.”

I put home in quotes because, technically, I haven’t lived there in months.

I’ve unofficially re-located my life’s headquarters to my boyfriend’s condo. Oh sure, it’s a nice place to live – but I still have my “mortgage.”

My volunteer work and community journalism articles are stored on a flash drive. My boyfriend insists (nags) that I back up my data on the laptop or computer in the house. I assure him that I will, but I don’t. I’m a bit of a passive-aggressive procrastinator (sometimes).

I only do things in a hurry if I’m not told to do them.

Other than that, you’ll have to wait a month of Sundays for me to get it done. Maybe, that’s a trait I will need to fix. Not today. Perhaps, tomorrow.

I stupidly think out of some vain attempt to do it my way – “As long as I have the flash drive – why back up?”

That’s a very dangerous game, Ms. Moore,” my boyfriend would (inevitably) say.

Approximately 75% of my life is stored in bytes and drawers. My world is compartmentalized by electronic folders and Office Depot paper. I feel organizationally fragmented…bit…by…bit.

The old, sage advice is to leave your job at work and your personal life at home. I wonder how often those worlds whirl and mesh and blend within each other. What do you call work/life balance for those who don’t officially “work” but have way too much going on in their life?

I hate using such buzz words – work/life balance. I always thought, at some point, they always would be the same – the work/life part. Yet, in what case is your life never really work (and vice versa)?

In reality, one is probably only worrying about work/life balance until one part of the term is seriously missing from the equation.

And so, to make up for the missing pieces? My job hunt, my volunteer work, my finances and whatever else gets stored in various parts between the North and Southsides of Chicago. It would take a 1 hour and 25 minute trip to meld the spectrums of my dually fragmented, overly documented world.

I don’t itch to get another job, I just know I need to get another job. My only fear resides within the realms of money, not professional continuity. I am wondering if that makes me an unrealized outlier of the Gen Y group. Parts me wants to prove the other parts of me wrong.

Plainly, they are the bits and pieces that managed successful job hopping and a house renovation.

Yet, they simultaneously tango with the parts that cling to self-doubt and dissatisfaction.

I have trouble keeping track of those accomplishments and the goals I set for myself because they are physically (and mentally) hiding. They are in computer hard drives, flash drives, accordion file folders, home offices 2 El rides away and sweater drawers.

So, I am thinking I will have to learn to blend my life into another kind of balance.  I will have to (re)create that sweet spot of stableness and (re)discover my organizational center.

After all, the center is where the strength lies. Without it, we just become missing pieces that dwindle…bit by bit.

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